Clinton Inaugural bash plans revealed By Richard Eber

Editor’s Note: This was first published pre-inauguration on January 16th.  Still worth the perusal even post event for a good laugh with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

By Richard Eber, California Political News and Views  

Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager John Podesta seems to be out of favor these days. Because of his email account being hacked by those affiliated with Russian strongman Vladimir Putin, he is laying low at least until Donald Trump’s takes the oath of office on January 20th

This does not mean that the Washington D.C. power broker is standing idly by. Podesta has been organizing a special inauguration gala for his former client to help take away the pain from having lost the election last November. Information pertaining to this event has been made available to me courtesy of my friend Julian Assange of WikiLeaks.

From his headquarters at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, he has been able to hack Podesta’s email server once again.  Apparently, this was not a problem because the log in hasn’t changed. In an exclusive scoop to the California Political Review (CPR), Podesta’s plans for the upcoming inauguration celebration being put on by his former boss have been revealed.

As might be expected Hillary’s pity party will be for the benefit of the Clinton Foundation. There is concern that it may be more difficult to attract donors to the charitable organization now that Hillary is in effect “FOB Sidewalk”.  Wealthy business concerns affiliated with foreign governments appear to have lost the former Secretary of State’s phone number. It is also thought that the market for million dollar speeches made to Goldman Sachs and other organizations on a prid pro quo basis has dried up of late.

With this sad state of affairs the Clinton Foundation is organizing alternative Progressive inauguration non- celebrations to in Podesta’s words, “strike while the iron is at least tepid”. Naturally the largest events are being held in New York, Washington D.C., and Hollywood. Hillary will do live video feeds to all of these parties.

Complimentary grief counseling is being provided courtesy of George Soros. Special therapists to deal with “election denial syndrome” for those Clinton supporters who still think she belongs in the White House because of her winning the popular vote, will be on hand. Going along with this is a free “No host stuffed animal” bar for grief stricken progressives to help them cope.

Unemployed doctors, who retired because of the lack of compensation received under Affordable Care Act, will be available to write prescriptions for sedatives ranging from valium, Zanex, and Prozac, to medical marijuana.

Under the guidance of organic, sustainable, and politically correct kitchen staffs, a special menu is being planned. In keeping with the events slogan “Diversity will never die” “blue granola” with abundant fruits, nuts, and flakes is the official cereal of the proceedings. The culinary staff, in a unanimous vote, determined serving raisin bran would be considered to be racist and not be inclusive enough to serve.

A special “Sustainable Burger” will be offered to guests at inaugural parties.  It is an organic vegetarian concoction that is supposed to taste like Angus beef but is filled with lies, deceit, empty promises, and what ifs. As might be expected Noodles Romanoff will not be on the menu to discourage Progressive Russian Clinton boosters (if one can be found) from attending  this event. Should anyone order a “Black Russian” cocktail from the bar, they will be politely escorting by security guards from the proceedings.

Piñata’s with figures of Bill O’Reilly and other Fox Personalities will be hung in effigy to be batted around. This activity is being used as an anger management tool for Clinton supporters who couldn’t combat the conservative network prior to the election. The stuffed toys will be filled with eye candy resembling Megan Kelley who they will see regularly now that she is beginning work for NBC.

Going along with this a raffle raffle is being planned to kick start a “go fund me “account for Rachael Maddow who is rumored to be on the chopping at MSNBC now that their sister network has hired the former Fox anchor.

There are no dress codes to be enforced. However gentlemen who show up in trench coats will not be admitted to the Clinton Foundation fundraiser for fear that Anthony Weiner might try to sneak in. Also banned are valet parking services to appease climate change activists who assume attendees will be arriving via bicycle or by foot.

In an effort to create an environment dedicated to “restroom diversity” all Clinton Foundation events will bring in the necessary port-a-potties to offer their guests different choices to include men’s, women’s, optional, decline to state and none of the above toilets. A staff ombudsman will be on duty to handle any complaints concerning political correctness should they come up.

Pollsters, regardless of political persuasion, are required to pay a cover charge of $100,000 to attend the Clinton fundraiser because they falsely raised Hillary’s hopes of one day occupying the Oval Office. To paraphrase Carly Simon’s famous song you’re so vain “I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee You’re so GOP)

A red carpet (Marxist model optional) will be present at all Clinton Foundation Inaugural affairs to accommodate the many Hollywood celebrities and entertainers who are expecting to attend. They will be warmly greeted, even if none of these tinsel town invitees has ever been enrolled in the Electoral College or took a Civics class.

Even though he has a conflicting engagement, having earlier committed to an ISIS Political Refugee Relief fund raiser scheduled to be held at his local mosque, Democratic National Chairman (DNC) candidate Representative Keith Ellison (D-Minnesota) is expected to make a drive-by appearance at the Clinton gala. VP Democratic Tim Kane will not be available as he is currently filming the remake of the TV series Howdy Duddy. Bernie Sanders was not notified of the party because DNC Chairwomen Donna Brazile has been in charge of the invitation list.

When Donald Trump is delivering his inaugural speech, television monitors will go blank so not to traumatize Clinton supporters. At the same time her picture will be prominently displayed so those present can fantasize how things might have been if the Russians, FBI Director James Comey, WikiLeeks, Fox News, and voters in the “deplorable” swing states had acted differently.


Richard Eber studied journalism at the University of Oregon. He writes about politics, culture, education restaurants, and fwas ormer city and sports editor of UCSB Daily. Richard is president of Amerasa Rapid Transit, a specialized freight forwarder.


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