Eber: I’m dreaming of a politically correct Christmas
.
.
By Stephen Frank
Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukah.
My good friend Rich Eber of the Bay Area and I were talking about Christmas songs. He decided to re-write a traditional, classic song.
“In a perfect world could it ever be possible to tolerate “chestnuts roasting on an open fire” when such am activity is clearly in violation of creating toxic fumes on Spare the Air day? Along with obliterating the Washington Redskins mascot could we at least rename the “Campfire Girls” the Young Solar Women? And how about changing the lyrics of Christmas music to eliminate God, Christ, the Lord, and that little town located at latitude 31.26 North Longitude 35.7 East?
Even though praying is highly discouraged at public functions, perhaps we could substitute an Entitlement verse which reads, “Thank you President Obama for these gifts of food stamps, welfare, green cards, and free medical care, we are about to receive.”
Rich has a way with words. But, using satire, irony and humor, he makes his point. The hypocrisy of the Left is seen at every turn.
To all the friends of the California Political News and Views, to our writers, and tech people, to Jim Lacy and the folks publishing the California Political Review every day, a heartfelt thank you, Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year.
I’m dreaming of a politically correct Christmas by Richard Eber
Richard Eber, California Political News and Views
I’m dreaming of a Politically Correct Christmas
Just like the green one I never knew
With birds chirping while no carbon footprints are lurking
And air pollution is not making pathways in the sky
I’m dreaming of a P.C. holiday season
Just like the proper one I never knew
Where diversity is reigning, no need for explaining
Why racial quotas can be found everywhere
I’m dreaming of a Progressive Spare the Air Dec. 25tht
Just like the “Blue” one I never knew
Where Obama Care is cherished while the middle class does perish
And the GOP Congress can be blamed for everything
I’m dreaming of a re-counted White Christmas
Just like the one I never knew in Pa., Wisconsin, and Michigan
Where the votes are re-tallied, allowing Hillary to rally
Because God has intervened to fire Donald Trump
Things are so politically correct these days that as 2016 comes to an end, overly sensitive Progressives, still in mourning after the loss of Hillary Clinton in the Presidential election want to make sure their advisories have a “deplorable” Christmas or as they say Holiday Season.
The P.C. Christmas crowd dislikes this most traditional of American holidays when families gather together to celebrate a birth that occurred over 2000 years ago. They distain God being mentioned as this might offend atheists.
Having a son of God is even more distasteful in PC world because recognizing a higher being could be construed as a case of divinity profiling. How can we have a politically correct Christmas when anarchists, Marxists, terrorists, Isis, and the Taliban feel they are being discriminated against?
In a perfect world could it ever be possible to tolerate “chestnuts roasting on an open fire” when such am activity is clearly in violation of creating toxic fumes on Spare the Air day? Along with obliterating the Washington Redskins mascot could we at least rename the “Campfire Girls” the Young Solar Women? And how about changing the lyrics of Christmas music to eliminate God, Christ, the Lord, and that little town located at latitude 31.26 North Longitude 35.7 East?
Even though praying is highly discouraged at public functions, perhaps we could substitute an Entitlement verse which reads, “Thank you President Obama for these gifts of food stamps, welfare, green cards, and free medical care, we are about to receive.”
In government run schools, Christmas vacation has been substituted by having a Winter Recess. Christmas trees, decorated by lights and ornaments have been replaced by what are now called “Holiday Exhibitions.” Christmas cards are now taboo. Sending an end of the year message on Twitter will suffice.. Even saying the pledge of allegiance or standing for the National Anthem is a matter of controversy these days.
If only we could encourage folks to get together for a regular dinner on December 25th instead of mentioning the “C” word. Currently this new world order still seems to be a bit out of place. Perhaps the P.C. Police, for their last hurrah prior to Donald Trump assuming office can show the world how the end of the year should be celebrated.
With that in mind I was able to obtain a pirated copy of the “Progressive Holiday Guide” put out by the Democratic Party Central Committee. My copy which was received courtesy of WikiLeaks and Russian President Putin must be authentic as it was signed out by Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Donna Brazile on a need to know basis.
Apparently, there are plans to swap old versions of Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer with a more politically correct one. The authorities are uncomfortable with this tale of heroic deeds performed by a mindless four hoofed creature. The new progressive Rudolf study guide reads:
“First of all calling Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer is an obvious attempt at racially profiling Santa’s favorite beast as the animal is different than Vixen, Blixen, Nixon, Dasher, and Pelosi. It is also painfully obvious that Rudolf was a victim of bullying from his reindeer colleagues. In addition, after evaluating the medical condition that led to Rudolf having a red noose, it is probable that he had a drinking problem caused from consuming too much spiked eggnog during the holiday season.
Whether the actions of those who teased and played cruel jokes on Rudolf as part of Reindeer Games comprised a “hate crime” should be reviewed by a special prosecutor in late December (after all presents have been delivered and possibly returned by that time.) Other avenues of investigation of Rudolf’s antagonists involve possible special circumstances in violation to The American’s with Disabilities Act. It is widely known that the intellectual capacities of the red nosed one is a bit short of a six pack.
Meanwhile OSHA is looking into complaints concerning the unsafe condition of chimney’s the guy in the red suit has a history of dropping down from. In the future they want Hazmat approved inspections under the terms of a Project Labor Agreement, (PLA) prior to Santa entering residences from roof top sites
Now even more bad news for Santa from his Progressive buddies. A blue ribbon committee made up from representatives from the SPCA and PETA are looking into allegations that Rudolf and his fellow reindeers were inhumanely treated during the 24 hour trek from the North Pole to deliver toys to children throughout the world.
Of concern to PETA is the heavy workload on Rudolf as evidenced by the perceptible limp last year of Santa’s favorite helper. An executive of the organization remarked, “With so many packages delivered by the One Horse Open Sleigh, perhaps we should consider allowing Santa and his reindeer team to subcontract some of this work out to FEDEX or UPS.” This suggestion was rejected by Saint Nick who was quoted as saying, “I can still do the job, Ho, Ho, Ho! “
There are also labor disputes this year at the North Pole. The Service Employee International Union (SEIU) are trying to organize the elves who are involved in the process of toy manufacturing. They demand more coffee breaks, a $15.00 per hour minimum living wage, medical benefits, and a family leave program for the elves who whistle while they work yet have nothing to show for it.
Because of all of these problems have occurred during the December period previously known as “The Christmas Season” President Obama has asked the First Lady to come forth with a new policy of pulling books out of Federally funded libraries that do not properly depict Rudolf’s plight and the social injustice he has had to endure.
It is hoped that when future generations listen to the words “Rudolf the Blue Nosed Reindeer, you’ll go down in history” are spoken, at least they will hear the politically correct version.
Government censors are also making sure no one will ever read the outdated Dickens classic A Christmas Carol, again. If this tale is ever to be repeated Child Protective Services would intervene with special education, family counseling and a free breakfast program for Tiny Tim. No need for the little guy to suffer and depend on Christmas’s past and present along with intervention from Ghosts to achieve social justice. In addition, that cruel capitalist Scrooge fellow should be audited by the IRS and jailed for income tax evasion.
And a Merry Christmas or pleasant Holiday Season to all depending on your comfort level with this event.
Stephen Frank: Is the the publisher and editor of the California Political News and Views. Mr. Frank speaks all over California and appears as a guest on several radio shows each week. He has also served as a guest host on radio talk shows and is a full time political consultant. http://capoliticalnews.com/
Get Citizensjournal.us Headlines free SUBSCRIPTION. Keep us publishing – DONATE
