#Metoo Rules of Engagement Unveiled

 

Richard Eber, California Political News and Views,  

As the nomination process heats up for Democrats trying to unseat President Donald Trump, the #Metoo movement is scrutinizing candidates  who do not adhere to their standards of good conduct.  Former Vice-President Joe Biden, who has not even officially declared himself in the race, is facing harsh condemnation from feminist activists.

Apparently Biden, who claims to have never intentionally improperly touched or groped a member of the opposite sex, has faced criticism for what Nancy Pelosi called being “Too touchy feely” Most notably, he has been accused of sniffing the hair of women at campaign rallies.

Other than telling him to stop, it has been suggested ladies who plan on meeting with “Uncle Joe”, shampoo first with Head and Shoulders or Rid.  Strangely enough former President Bill Clinton, who committed far worse deeds to women, did not face such intense criticism by the liberal press.  Neither has Kamala Harris who openly dated Willie Brown while he was married.  The same goes for Gavin Newsom who was cheating on his then wife when Mayor of San Francisco

Even the time  honored rite of politicians kissing babies ion the campaign trail s being questioned by anti-child molesting advocates.  It seems pretty apparent, living in these politically correct (PC) days that traditional courtship for politicians and public figures is over. Supreme Court Justice Bret Kavanaugh learned this the hard way during his recent Senate confirmation hearings.

In the #Metoo era, there is a new moral conduct code which must be followed.  Failure to adhere to these rules of engagement can mean legal action, social isolation, loss of face, and even worse becoming unelectable.

To placate the concerns of prospective office holders, the Democratic Central Committee (DNC) has come up with a 10 point plan to help candidates avoid possible violations of PC dating guidelines. Thanks to Wikileaks successfully hacking the DNC once again and ex KGB operatives handing this scoop over to the CPN&V, I have gained access to their confidential memo. It reads:

  1. Don’t physically come in touch with anyone until you are sure the other party is in agreement. This means offers of handshakes should be carefully scrutinized. A limp wrist situation should never occur as lack of commitment could be a sign that the other party does not desire physical contact with you.
  1. Boundaries on kissing or any rubbing actions should be first cleared with signed consent and non-disclosure forms before such actions might take place. It is better to have these precautions prior to any damage being incurred on Twitter or Plurk.
  1. To avoid adverse situations involving possible #Metoo situations, it is recommended that anyone over 14 years old who contemplates a career in politics only engage in cyber sex until wedding vows are exchanged. Such actions can also win votes from conservative pro life Republicans. Until that time if one yearns to occupy the White House, prospective politicians will have to be satisfied with “manage de one” encounters.
  1. If anything develops on dates beyond discussions on astrology or past non platonic relationships, a protocol should be established to make sure security is maintained. As such, if things go to the next level, both parties must simultaneously remove items of clothing at the same time to make sure there are no misunderstandings.  It must be clear unclasping a bra is not equal to a zipper moving in a vertical direction.   After preliminary engagement has taken place, it is best to sign a new consent form before even second or third base is reached.
  1. To make sure that there are no misunderstandings, it is best to have a notary witness the agreement between consenting adults of either sex to make sure no coercion has been involved in the dating process. There is no need to be banned from residing within 500 feet of a public school because of failure to provide suitable documentation should a #Metoo lawsuit be filed 25 years later.
  1. For the interests of all concerned it is also advised that a “gag under” which forbids discussion of a sexual or close encounters, is put in place. Outlawing the descriptions of physical attributes, most notably size and possible deformities, should be included in consent forms.   This protects the privacy of all parties involved and does not allow for bragging privileges on Facebook or Mylife.
  1. Going along with a gag order is a recommendation that if prospective politicians insist on having sex, they video tape these proceedings to make sure #Metoo charges cannot be made at a future time. Going along with this is the requirement that the individual making the tape promises not to view it for recreational purposes or show it to others without the other participants consent.
  1. To safeguard security of these recordings, it should be turned over to a newly created Federal Government Agency of Internal Affairs. Naturally the FBI, CIA, and IRS would be prevented from using this data for blackmail or other sinister purposes. The same criteria would apply for the House Intelligence Committee.   The public  should be confident  that the Committees Chairman  Adam Schiff, with his sterling reputation,  would never leak  or misinterpret sensitive information
  1. As an added layer of security beyond condoms, California intends to put all of its X rated files of citizens under lock and key. This would be overseen by an agency similar to the DMV to insure sound administration.  Citations would be issued by a Special Secrets Police force monitoring sexual infractions.  It is be run by career bureaucrats under the direction of Governor Gavin Newsom.  Examples of their possible investigations include:
  • Going through a stop sign without asking partner in writing first.
  • Caressing sensitive parts without a clearly displayed a permit to touch.
  • Moving too fast violations especially issued for the benefit of women.
  • Reckless endangerment by S & M participants..
  1. If there are too many points on one individual’s record, they can have their dating    privileges revoked. Included would be a provision prohibiting those with multiple infractions from entering bars or clubs selling alcoholic beverages.  San Francisco Senator Scott Weiner is already writing up legislation creating fines for sexual misconduct. Money raised would support a new PC Dating counseling program where sexual deviants would be treated and get the help they so desperately need.

There can be no statute of limitations for breaking new age #Metoo dating protocol. Even unwelcome kisses and improper embraces at Junior High and above dances can be brought forth for prosecution; regardless of when they took place.  According to California Senator Kamala Harris “One improper advance is one too many.”

OCTOBER 13, 2016: Vice President Joe Biden campaigns for Nevada Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Catherine Cortez Masto and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton at the Culinary Union, Las Vegas, NV *Mastro believes former Nevada state legislator Lucy Flores’ accusation of Biden’s inappropriate kissing.


Richard Eber studied journalism at the University of Oregon. He writes about politics, culture, education restaurants, and was former city and sports editor of UCSB Daily. Richard is president of Amerasa Rapid Transit, a specialized freight forwarder.


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