Port Hueneme Police Department – Incident Press Release
This is a true story with a little humor designed to bring a smile and a little laughter.
Here’s our cheeky side of the story: The Port Hueneme Police Department refuses to look the other way on this heinous toilet paper caper. What we are about to tell you should make you flush with anger. We need to stop this lawlessness which is bubbling up from the bowels of our criminal underground. But our purpose is two-fold: we need to send a message and show people we are not soft on crime.
On Monday April 13th, 2020 at 3:15 PM, a Port Hueneme Patrol Officer was rolling through the Port City Plaza Shopping Center located in the 800 block of North Ventura Road. As the officer drove by an occupied vehicle in the parking lot, he noticed an open alcoholic container near the front dashboard.
When he made contact with the occupants, all of them were found to be on probation with search terms. During a search of the vehicle, the officers discovered the mother-load in the back seat of the vehicle. Officers located 31 rolls of toilet paper, 31 towels of various sizes, 4 sets of bed sheets and 27 tissue boxes. Further investigation revealed the subjects stole the items from a maid’s cart at a local hotel in Port Hueneme. While they thought they’d make a clean getaway, we did confirm they didn’t leave any skid marks when they fled the crime scene. This was an all-you-can-carry theft; outright toilet paper purloining; the kind of larceny that requires commitment.
We can’t be soft on crime when dealing with these dingle berries who’ll stop at nothing to clog our streets with this type of behavior. Jessica Perez (25) of Oxnard, Stephen Talley, Jr. (25) of Port Hueneme and Tyson Castillo (32) of Oxnard were arrested and charged with violating California Penal Code 484(a) – Petty Theft. All three were on active probation with search terms related to theft and not to possess stolen property.
We’re aware that this isn’t the crime of the century, but it’s a solid #2. While we are trying to protect our public from price gouging and hoarding, it stinks that we have criminals trying to steal precious supplies from our local hotels. These thieves would have inevitably attempted to sell these items on the toiletry-market.
We realize this may have been a tear-able press release butt we were trying to have a little fun so let’s just put this behind us. If you rolled with it and read this entire release, please don’t hesitate to share.
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As a former idiot myself … and convicted felon… indeed it is good to see the law enforcement not only prevail … but also make a stand on crime regardless how potentially small it might seem …
Now having thrown myself on the better side of the law and the Lord … I am very pleased to see the righteous outcome here…
Too bad the young people are throwing their lives down the toilet. Not a bum wrap, butt guaranteed to wipe those schitty grins off their faces. Drop this Corny-filled Crappy Caper in the Log books. They can think this over while atop the porcelain throne.
Butt, at least they were caught and the cleaning crew was saved from getting caught with their pants down!