So, you still have guns in your house, huh?
First of all, shame on you. Second of all, we realize you may be slightly hesitant about just turning them all over to the government, so we put together a list of reasons (out of the hundreds of reasons) you should just turn in your guns right now. Read and learn, you bitter clinger!
1) The government is very trustworthy and would never hurt anyone: Also, they have nukes. Resistance is futile. Just hand ’em over!
2) With your gun safe empty, you now have a neat place to hide when robbers break into your home: Let your gun safe keep YOU safe! As an added bonus, you can now use your gun safe to store all your surgical masks and vaccination cards!
3) Instead of shooting clays on Thanksgiving, you can play great games with your family, like Monopoly: Nothing brings a family together like Monopoly!
4) The government needs your guns so they can shoot people trying to sell loose cigarettes: Donate your firearms to the noble cause of fighting the evil forces trying to sell untaxed cigarettes to people who can’t afford a full pack!
5) You can spend the time you used to spend at the gun range educating yourself: With time, maybe you can learn to be less problematic.
6) The government will donate your guns to a noble cause: Like drug cartels and insurgents in the Middle East. Think of how much good your gun could be doing right now in the government’s hands!
7) You can rest assured knowing that criminals will turn in their guns too: Criminals always do the right thing when given the chance.
8) Now you can defend your home with a cool spiked mace and broadsword: Come on—who doesn’t want to do this? Turn in your gun and defend your home like a REAL man.
9) You’ll be a rich man not having to buy ammo: Aren’t you tired of getting in fights with your wife about how much you spend on guns and ammo? Plus, you’ll have more money to spend on masks!
10) What’s the worst that could happen? Just give it a try! Could be fun, actually!