Sustainable Farms Rehabilitation Center

By Richard Eber

Kamala Harris has succeeded Joe Biden as President of the United States. Following Joe’s invitation to Vladimir Putin, when visiting the White House, to be offered the early bird special and a Bingo game prior to nap time, the 25^th Amendment was enacted putting the former VP in charge.

Once in power Harris surmised that being a Republican amounted to being a hate crime.  To rehabilitate what was described to be “acute mental illness”, I along with other conservative malcontent writers were sent to the Sustainable Farms Rehabilitation Center for treatment.

Much like political prisoners in the old Soviet Union and Communist China, I soon learned my survival depended on going along with the party line.  I even complimented the chef on serving me an organic, vegetarian, gluten free quinoa-kale casserole.  During a Progressive 12 step therapy session, a made up story about my Dad beating me for associating with a socialistic friend, worked pretty well.

Given the intense training during the deprogramming process, one would think we be would be relearning economics. Apparently this was not to be the case.  Since this field has nothing to do with the tax and spend policies, all we needed to know is that big government will take care of every need in our lives.

 As a previously staunch GOP supporter, the curriculum was supposed to liberate me from following impure conservative thoughts.  This was a massive job considering my education and evil influence from my editor Steve Frank at the California Political News and Views.

There were so many lessons to be learned. We were told that the State Government is always our friend.  After reading Gavin Newsom’s authorized biography 17 times, I have been taught that this selfless man is trying to solve any problem I might have including being a registered Republican.

As might be expected my days have been busy being re-educated into being a born again Progressive citizen.  This training entailed such courses as:

• Recognizing being a White Supremist:  This one has been tough since it has been necessary to renounce my previous life including friendships, business partnerships, and close associations with people of color. In this class I was asked to admit guilt to being the poster child for Hillary’s “Basket of Deplorables”.  With my survival on the line I confessed to be a past KKK sympathizer who would change his outlook in the future. The teacher said I still had a long way to go while suggesting shock treatments and drug therapy to cure me from being a bigot.

• Urban Planning in the new world order: This was another tough concept for me to grasp.  According to the textbook we read authored by State Senator Scott Weiner (D) San Francisco those of us who have resided in Suburbia  living in single family homes with backyards, in a safe environment to raise a family, have it all wrong. This system has to end.

Instead Weiner postulates the families of tomorrow prefer to reside in stack and pack housing close to mass transit being liberated from their SUV’s.  Dealing with high crime rates, subsequent loss of personal freedom and chronic homelessness, are a small price to pay to combat climate change. He concluded “In the future insuring Woke’s happiness is government’s highest priority.”

• Study of the principles of the Constitution:  This class was canceled.  I was told this document was out dated and no longer relevant.  Instead I was placed in a course justifying the new world order with cancel-culture providing a new outlook I was supposed to embrace.  It seemed weird that President’s Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Roosevelt and Reagan’s memories were erased from history books.

In addition to purging offensive materials from libraries, all schools named after historical figures were eliminated in favor of serving this function utilizing failed lottery numbers.

• Phasing out family life in favors Government taking on this role: During counseling sessions, it was emphasized the Government could do a superior job raising children.  We were told the present system often resulted in divorce and broken homes. It could be much better done utilizing Government P C oversight, The frosting on the cake would come by parents no longer have to put up with unpleasant relatives at family gatherings or being forced to spring for expensive birthday presents.  Christmas and Thanksgivings would be replaced by attendance optional virtual events.

• Political Speech 101 This entailed expanding ones PC vocabulary to utilize such words as diversity, inclusive, sustainable, gender neutral, etc… Mentioning nationalism was considered to be a felony on par with murder or armed robbery. “We are the World” was now the National Anthem and the Paris Climate Change Accords had replaced The Declaration of Independence  for study in history classes

We were instructed that all decision needs to be done utilizing team building models. Individualism was considered to be an illegal act. To insure compliance, age, sexual preference, diversity skin color, and political views should be the criteria in putting together committees.  Our instructors emphasized entrepreneurs as Henry Ford Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Thomas Edison, and Bill Gates, were individuals whose independence is to be avoided for future generations

Instead, Dagny Taggart’s brother James from The Fountainhead was cited to be a role model. Dismayed, I wondered where John Galt might be when we needed him most.

After 6 months of being re-educated by my Progressive masters, I was finally set to graduate from the Organic Farms facility.  Just prior to the ceremony, I flirted with the option of flunking out of Re-Education Camp and becoming a fugitive. This possibility quickly faded. The possibility  of being placed in a work camp under the supervision of Bernie Sanders was not a viable option for me to consider.

 It might be better to endure Progressive ice cream social networking sessions than having to shovel dirt for my keep. As such I decided to co-operate and until further notice abandon my first amendment rights of free speech and other aspects of the now obsolete Bill of Rights.

It might have worked except for my remission after release from Sustainable Farms. I was caught by surveillance cameras eating a double cheeseburger with Animal Fries and a strawberry milkshake at my local In-N-Out Burger joint.  Partaking in such junk food was prohibited as part of my probation agreement with the PC Police.

It could have been worse. I got 30 days of home detention for my indiscretion.  If I was caught with a copy of the Federalist Papers or Common Sense, a date with the firing squad might have ensued.

Richard Eber studied journalism at the University of Oregon. He writes about politics, culture, education restaurants, and was former city and sports editor of UCSB Daily. Richard is president of Amerasa Rapid Transit, a specialized freight forwarder.

The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Citizens Journal.

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